This past weekend I've been very reflective. Well that's not anything new, I'm often lost somewhere in "deep" thought, or thinking about things that matter most to me. But this week marks the 3rd anniversary of my Grandpa passing away (right, weird that it's an anniversary, but he lived across the street from me and....we had a pretty good relationship he and I), it's also my most favorite time of the year. I love FALL! I love the happiness it brings to my heart and soul and the chilly air. I love wearing long sleeves and boots and being able to throw on a hoodie and jeans and not roast to death. I love fire's and pumpkin smells and comfort food and falling leaves and EVERYTHING that Fall is. With that, and my "reflective" mood, my 5 kids being under one roof for breakfast, a friend's trials, my grandmother aging and........life changing. I find myself in tears a lot, for the changes mean I too am changing, my kids are changing my role as a mother to babies is gone and I now have a daughter who could very easily make me a grandmother in a few short years (not that I'm pressing the issue, but that it could be reality), my youngest is 5 and still a little girl but things are changing. I'm not sad that they are changing, just reflective of what life brings, how short (yet long it seems sometimes) each season of life is. How much we learn and grow from different things, the trials we think will surely do us in, yet we look back and they have made us who we are.
The lesson at church today was on words, how words can lift us up or bring us down. How what we choose to say can make someones day, change their lives, motivate them, cause them heartache or perhaps break their spirit. I love words! I love writing and sometimes when relationships have been rough I have found a pen in my hand and words flying onto the page so I could say what I needed to say and express what I needed to express without my emotions getting in the way, or my train of thought getting lost. Some of those words get crumpled up and thrown away as a release of some sort, and some have been gently placed on a pillow or tucked under the door of someone I love. Some of my fondest possessions are letters from my mother, or notes from my husband, a letter one Christmas when I was given my mother's ring is probably as priceless as anything I own. These words that I keep are words of love, words of encouragement of thankful hearts. As I reflect on the words I hold dear to my heart I am reminded of the words I speak each day. Yet, do these words always build up? Or do they tear down at times?
Sometimes it's hard to decipher if you are hurting or helping someone, some people take constructive criticism well and work to better themselves and to see the potential that you see in them, others take it as a blow and feel completely defeated, perhaps never recovering from it fully. As a mother I struggle to find the balance of words that help and words that hinder. The words that encourage and the words that set a mark so high that they don't think they'll ever measure up so they quit trying. The words as a wife that build up, show love and appreciation and encourage, and the words that deplete and "push buttons". In my Quest to
Strengthen, Kindness and speaking kindly is something I will probably be forever attempting to master. But, if each day I can think before I react, listen before I speak, and ponder before I pray.....one day I will be there!. But for now I am challenging myself to complain less, to smile when I'm weary and my day has been too long, to say "yes" to more stories, cuddles, walks, talks, moments to be together, and "not right now" to the piles of laundry, the projects I want to finish or the books I long to read. I want to be present in this day, be kind, be patient, be loving, I want to speak kind of everyone I meet, find goodness in everything I see and try my best to be better at all that I am and all that I will be. I hope to speak words of encouragement, love,compassion and kindness to my family and friends, I hope to give strength to those who need it, to do good to those I serve and to help those who need help. This year as I've worked on strengthening .......I've felt myself grow and become a better me, a stronger me and yet a more tender me. I hope to keep growing, changing and loving ALL the seasons of life that make me who I am. I hope to be kinder, to speak with purpose and to hold my tongue at times (which some days.......needs to be done A LOT!). I am not perfect, far from it, but my quest to be so is an interesting one, one that's brought me here, one that moves me forward, one that I truly love and am thankful for each day! Remember one thing as you go about your week.........Be Kind!
Thanks for reading~ and remember I'd love to hear about your Quest's your triumphs and your learning moments :)
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